It’s 10:10 in the evening and she happens to be online on gtalk with lights blazing green. So I think of buzzing.
“Done vyth d Dinner?’.
I type in ‘Still awake?’ and then start thinking about it. I think for about a minute about pressing the enter key but something tells me I shouldn’t. So I get back to surf for PMP materials. Then after a few minutes I again see the green dot. Should I buzz? Ask her whether she is done vyth her dinner? Tell her what I think? So I type in ‘Still Awake?’ again and am just about to press the enter button when suddenly a friend buzzes me sending the materials that I needed. I thank him and curse him and get back to pressing enter. Something tells me I shouldn’t. I press escape instead.
Around 10:30 I think about it again. Three times in last 15 minutes. It’s going the old way again, something I fear. Something I thought would never happen again. I click on the name in the list. I think about having a koffee. Its standard aftertake next to dinner. And anyway, I have my own cup of koffee at night nowadays (but that should have been done at around evening). I would buzz her after I have my koffee, I think. It’s foolish I know. At this point she might as well go offline any moment. But as if that forbidding voice inside me took me to the oven in the kitchen, I started preparing koffee. I come back at around 10:36. I type in ‘Still Awake?’ and am about to press enter. That voice inside my head grows stronger and so does the urge to talk to her. My battle continues when suddenly…she goes idle!
It’s not good to buzz a girl at night when she might have retired to bed already. I think. And I get back to that material i was reading.
MORAL: Don’t wait. Just do it if you think you are right. The voices in head are bullshit. It’s the voice of the heart which counts.
PS: Just a minute after this post, she went green again.